Infomercial

Real estate market got you down?
Tired of the government bailing out the wealthy?
Sick of hearing about Muslims causing oil spills and hurricanes because they’re evil assholes?

Well, have I got the answer for all you dumb, poor motherfuckers!

Hi, my name is J.R. Wellingford III, and I want to tell you about a book I wrote called “How to Take It Up the Ass Like A Poor Bastard Should.”

In my book you will learn the secrets of living in poverty while Wall Street rapes your ass daily.

How did the corporate big shots manage to destroy the national economy only to turn around and profit from it?

It was easy – they fucked the poor man in the ass!

But don’t take my word for it. Listen to this testimonial!

“Hi. My name is Chris. This one time, I had only a penny in my savings account. And the bastards took it.”

Don’t want to end up like Chris?

Too late! You already have! Your dumbass just doesn’t know it yet!

Don’t believe me? Listen to Chuck from South Dakota!

“If you don’t get that camera out of my face, I’m gonna cut your fuckin’ balls off.”

What? You think he’s talking about my balls? No, he’s talking about your balls! Why? Because your poor and your balls don’t matter!

Now, if you were rich, like me, you could just buy a new set and people would care. They’d say, “Hey, there goes J.R. with his pretty new set of balls.”

So, buy my book. Don’t be like Chris and get your balls cut off by Chuck.

Taking it up the ass isn’t anything worth losing your balls over.

“Isn’t that right, Casey?”

“AHHHHHHH!!!!!”